What your Starbucks drink says about you

When you work at a café or really anywhere that you have your own regulars, you start to learn a lot about people. So as an ex-barista I’m going to tell you what your drink says about you.

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A very generic but safe bet, a regular latte is always a go to for the dads any other drink seems to be too complicated for them to order. Now if you take the latte and make it a non-fat, no foam, sugar free vanilla latte at 190 degrees; you definitely go to the optometrist every couple of months. Anyone who gets 190 degrees must be checked up on there is no way they are okay at all and are playing with death. Last, if you get just a vanilla latte there is really nothing to say here you can be anyone, as in you’re basic.

Caramel Macchiato

If you think ordering this drink by calling it a Mochamitto, a MACHEEiatto or Macholatte is funny, I would like you to stop the nonsense immediately. You are an adult; literal children order this drink properly like normal human beings. Please save the dad jokes for your wife and kids I am not them. Caramel Macchiatos are a staple drink they’re great hot or iced but if you’re an iced type of person paired with a non-dairy as your milk, you’re a super sweet gal who’s hitting all the curbs in the parking lot.


Not as popular as the last two drinks but still a memorable mention. This is the dad drink of Starbucks I don’t know what it is, but all dads get this. Now if you start getting fancy and want a dry or wet Cappuccino, I am positive you have your life together with a retirement plan in motion somehow. It seems the got their life together crowd enjoys a Cappuccino.

Pink Drink

Stop spending 18 hours on TikTok you could have finished all your assignments or chores. That’s it.


If your order a black americano blink twice if you’re okay. Americanos are fairly E for everyone as you can customize it into anything. If you order this over a pike roast coffee, I am glad you were born with all your taste buds in-tact. If you’re a normal person who needs some sort of cream or sugar in your drink I understand and respect you; you are simple and love Ikea. Because these are great to customize, if you order 6 long shots in your Americano I promise you the person on the bar is crying.

And last my favourite so I am going to be biased.

Iced Matcha Tea Latte

Yes, if you order this you are awesome, we have the highest IQ everyone else is nothing compared to us shaking our iced matcha tea lattes. People who say matcha tastes like grass have also been, that kid who didn’t like water in school.

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