The world won’t stop turning. 

I wish to feel a pause. 

The feeling of being consumed with no escape. 

It feels as if the Earth spins faster each day. 

I wish to feel a pause. 

I feel useless. 

I have the desire and hope to make a change, yet I have no ambition. 

I wish to feel a pause 

So I can finally breathe. 

The breath I’ve been holding for so long 

I’m choking 

I’m blind, I can’t see my path anymore.

I’m unaware of my destination. 

I wish to feel a pause. 

But the World won’t stop turning 

And neither will I. 

Not for a second  

Not for any soul. 

So through this pain, I must not stand against myself 

But with the strength from every part of my being I will stand with myself. 

Nobody has the ability to change my life but me. 

Dreams don’t become reality but, 

I have the ability to change my mindset, to be ambitious and work towards my goals. 

To make my life, the life I want. 

I wish to feel a pause 

Because, 

The world won’t stop turning.

I wrote this poem before the pandemic, feeling very overwhelmed and stuck. I felt as if my life was going by too fast, and I couldn’t slow it down. I thought all I needed was a break from everything, to press pause on my life. I felt upset and overwhelmed almost everyday, it was horrible. I did nothing to stop the feeling, I just let it consume me. Once you get to a point where it’s easier to hurt than heal, you get stuck. I could be hurting from one thing and then remind myself of everything else I needed to be upset about, it feels like throwing yourself into a tornado when all you want to be is sucked into a black hole. And while I was going through this for months, I never would’ve thought I would’ve been given the break I begged for. The pandemic, and I did nothing. I didn’t do anything I wanted to do. I procrastinated for 8 months, now I’m finally getting back on my feet and doing things I want done. 

I wished for a pause and the whole world stopped 

We all got clocked

A pandemic. 

No work, restaurants, no academic

I’ve had all this time, yet nothing has changed 

I have all this time and it’s still going to waste 

What are my excuses?

Who’s to blame? 

We are going to pay 

Because time without a plan will leave you sleeping all day 

I wished for a pause and the whole world stopped

I wrote this poem during the pandemic when I realized I was wasting my days. The worst feeling is knowing you’ve been doing nothing all day everyday. Sleeping in until 2pm everyday. Eating 1 ½ meals a day that have barely any nutritional value and absolutely no exercise. Not only did it make me feel like sh*t physically, but it made me feel so exhausted and upset all the time. I didn’t realize it until 2020 that you have to treat your body right to make your mental health feel good too. The more you care about yourself and your mental being, the better you feel. At one point I blamed everyone else for the way I felt, and I needed therapy. I started going and I think it helped because there was someone guiding me and supporting the way I felt. I felt valid. I didn’t feel like my emotions were too much for her, and I didn’t feel like I was bothering her while I vented. It was nice to have someone who seemed genuinely excited for me to get better and have little achievements in my life.

 I can say I haven’t done anything, but I have done things. I’ve learned my worth when it came to friends, I put my foot down and made hard decisions that really hurt me. I was in pain at the time, but once I started living my life without them I felt better for longer periods of time. I wasn’t feeling upset for days at a time anymore, I started feeling good, because everyday they reminded me one of the reasons of why I felt so bad all the time. I started hanging out with people who make me happy, and it was nice. I felt better, until I started falling back in that hole. Is it because school started again? Or is it just because of me and I’m prone to feeling like this. Is there a key to happiness? What does it feel like to be genuinely happy? Is there such thing, or is everyone always sore about something? The more time I have to think, the more lost I feel. If you’re sitting through this pandemic doing nothing, you need to get up, exercise, eat healthy, and love yourself. Do things that make you happy. The time we have right now is for us, stop wasting your time, come on. We can’t be losing time, we don’t live forever. 

It’s so easy to motivate others, it’s so easy to want others to be better, but you need to focus on you and motivate yourself. It doesn’t make you selfish to do things that make you happier, help yourself before you take the duty to help others. Find your self peace and happiness. You have had 8 months and we don’t know how many more we will have, so take this time to become a better version of you. Come out of this pandemic as a whole new you, the you that was hiding this whole time. Unleash the confidence, courage, love that you have for yourself. Find what you love to do, pursue it and encourage others to do the same. It’s easy to love others but the most important to learn to love is yourself. 

I’m Mya Deol and I believe in you, you’ll get better and you’ll feel amazing. You’ll feel happy!

• Do things that you love 
• Find things that make you happy 
• Motivate yourself to exercise 
• Wake up earlier 
• Do yoga 
• Eat healthier 

You’ll get there, just believe and work for it.