Navigating relationships can be tough, and figuring out how to balance everything can feel overwhelming. I’ve always been pretty open about my experiences with relationships and friendships—how I got into my first relationship, how I’ve tried to manage friendships, and just generally how I’ve tried to navigate it all. Lately, though, it’s been hitting me harder than usual. Maybe it’s the time of year—midterms creeping up, work getting busier, life just feeling heavier. Whatever it is, I’ve been struggling to keep things in balance, and writing about it helps me put things into perspective.

Over the past few months, I’ve felt like I’ve been at war with myself. I’ve been trying to figure out how to maintain a healthy relationship while also making sure I’m still showing up for my friendships. I want to be there for everyone—I always have. That’s just who I am. If you need me, I’m there. Whether it’s my boyfriend, my best friend, my sister, or anyone I care about, I’ll drop everything to be there. But that can be exhausting, and sometimes, the people closest to you need more from you than you can give. And while that’s normal, it can also be really frustrating because you start to lose yourself in the process.

My boyfriend and I try to see each other as often as we can, but with school, work, and just life in general, sometimes it’s impossible. We still make it work, but I won’t lie—there are times when I feel guilty. When I go out with friends, there’s this nagging feeling that I should be prioritizing him. And at the same time, I’ve had moments where my best friend has felt like I was putting her on the back burner, and that hurt because that was never my intention. I genuinely thought I was doing my best to balance everything, but clearly, something was off. And honestly? That realization stressed me out even more.

I’m a people pleaser. I try not to be, but when it comes to the people I care about, I can’t help it. I want to make sure everyone is okay, that everyone feels valued, that no one is being left behind. But trying to split myself between everyone is exhausting. One day, I’d be giving one person all my attention, and the next, I’d feel guilty because I wasn’t giving someone else the attention they needed. It felt like a never-ending game of tug-of-war, and I was the rope. It started weighing on me in ways I didn’t even realize until it all came crashing down.

Last week, I broke down at work. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I was so frustrated, so stressed, so emotionally drained that I just lost it. I started crying because I was so tired of feeling pulled in every direction. My sister, bless her, was the one who helped calm me down. She reminded me of something I had completely forgotten: I needed to put myself first. Somewhere along the way, I had lost myself in trying to be everything for everyone else. And that’s not sustainable.

That moment was a wake-up call. I had to start prioritizing myself again. It wasn’t just about making sure my friends and boyfriend were happy—I needed to make sure I was happy too. And in order to do that, I had to take responsibility for my own actions. I had to stop neglecting my own needs. I had been getting lazy, unmotivated, and just overall not feeling like myself, and I realized it was because I wasn’t taking care of myself the way I should have been.

So now, I’m making a change. I’m setting boundaries. I’m making sure that while I’m there for my relationships and friendships, I’m also there for myself. Because at the end of the day, if I don’t take care of myself, how am I supposed to be there for anyone else? I’m making an effort to balance things better—making sure I give time to the people I care about while also making sure I don’t neglect myself in the process. My health, my mental well-being, my responsibilities—they all matter, and I can’t afford to let them slip away just because I’m scared of letting people down.

It’s not easy. You don’t just wake up one day and suddenly have it all figured out. No one does. But sometimes, you need those breaking points—those crash-and-burn moments—to wake you up and make you realize what needs to change. I was depending too much on others to dictate how I felt. If they were upset, I was upset. If they needed me, I’d drop everything, even if it meant pushing aside my own needs. That’s not healthy. My emotions and well-being are my responsibility, and I can’t keep letting them be controlled by everyone else’s needs.

This isn’t to say that the people in my life did anything wrong. This was all on me. I was the one stretching myself too thin, the one not setting boundaries, the one allowing myself to be pulled in every direction. So now, I’m learning. I’m setting those boundaries, creating space when I need to, and reminding myself that it’s okay to say no sometimes.

And if you’ve ever felt this way, please know that you’re not alone. It’s easy to lose yourself in relationships and friendships, to feel like you have to be everything for everyone all the time. But you don’t. You’re allowed to take a step back. You’re allowed to put yourself first.

So moving forward, that’s my goal. I want to continue growing, learning, and being more in tune with what I need. I want to make sure I’m staying on top of things—my assignments, my responsibilities, my well-being. Because for a while, I wasn’t. And I can admit that. But now, I’m getting back to a place where I can prioritize myself again. It’s not an overnight process, but I’m excited to move forward and make the changes I need to make.