Communicating in Relationships

This topic gets talked about a lot, yet even today, communication remains one of the hardest things to navigate. People are still learning about it every day, and for good reason. Communication is key, as they say, and it truly can make or break friendships, relationships, or even professional networking. Today, we’re going to dive into how important communication is, how to go about it, what I’ve learned from my own experiences, and what I still have yet to learn.

To put things into perspective, have you ever had a fight with one of your best friends? Not just a small bickering match, but one of those silent fights? A situation where something is clearly off, but neither of you are addressing it? My best friend and I recently went through something like that. For over a month, we had this quiet tension between us, and neither of us knew how to bring it up.

It felt like an unresolved pressure bubbling inside, something we didn’t know how to put into words. We were both struggling with it, knowing something was wrong but unsure of how to communicate it. And mind you, we consider each other best friends. This wasn’t something that would break our friendship, but it was bugging both of us. Eventually, we finally talked about it. We were hanging out when she just laid it all out. She told me exactly how she felt:

She said something like, “You’ve been using me as an outlet for your romantic relationship. I want to be there for you, but I don’t want our friendship to be based on you venting about your relationship struggles all the time. I’m not your couple’s therapist. I’m your best friend, and I want our friendship to be more than just that.”

Hearing that was a moment of clarity for me. I hadn’t realized I was putting her in that position. I was constantly ranting to her about my relationship, then acting like everything was fine afterward, without considering how it was affecting her. I didn’t mean to, but I was making her uncomfortable. And until she told me, I had no idea.

It made me reflect on my actions. Sometimes, we just talk and talk without realizing how it comes across to others. We vent because we need to, but we don’t always think about how the other person is receiving it. When she shared her feelings with me, I didn’t take it personally—I took it as an opportunity to grow. I apologized and acknowledged that I had put her in an unfair situation. That’s when I shared my side of things, too.

For me, I had felt like she was icing me out. I noticed the distance and felt like she didn’t want me around anymore. I’m a confrontational person, I need people to tell me if there’s a problem. If you have an issue with me, I’d rather you say it outright. Otherwise, I’ll be left feeling confused and distant. But since she wasn’t bringing it up, I was getting frustrated.

Looking back, I now realize that I didn’t want to acknowledge the problem either. I sensed what was wrong, but I was avoiding facing it. I was dismissive of the issues between us until she finally voiced her feelings. Once she did, we had an open and honest conversation, and it was such a relief.

That’s what communication does. It can bring people together or tear them apart. A lack of communication is what creates misunderstandings. What I admire about our friendship is that, even though it took us over a month to address the issue, we weren’t afraid to communicate. We didn’t let it turn into a bigger problem. We said our pieces, made up, and moved forward. Because at the end of the day, our friendship is worth more than a little argument.

I’ve learned to be very intentional about the people I choose to be friends with, especially as I’ve gotten older. I cherish friendships where communication is valued. The fact that my best friend and I were able to sit in her car and talk everything out without any lasting damage to our friendship is something I don’t take for granted.

And that’s the thing—communication doesn’t have to be a dramatic confrontation. It doesn’t have to be yelling or arguing. Sometimes, all it takes is sitting down and having a simple one-on-one conversation.

Listening is just as important as talking. In fact, it might be even more important. You can talk all you want, but if you’re not truly hearing the other person, you’re not really communicating. You have to hear people out, especially the ones you care about.

Now, shifting into romantic relationships—communication is even more crucial. My boyfriend and I haven’t been together for  long, but I’ve already realized how essential it is. Both of us have a habit of keeping things bottled up sometimes. I tend to overthink things in my head, and so does he. But since I’m the more confrontational one, I usually push him to open up when I sense something is wrong.

He struggles to put his emotions into words, and that can make communication tricky at times. But eventually, we get there. We talk it out, even if it takes some time. There are moments where I let my frustration get the best of me. Sometimes, I get stubborn and don’t want to hear him out at first. But I always have to remind myself that he has feelings too. Our relationship isn’t just about my emotions—it’s about his as well.

It’s easy to focus on how we’re feeling in an argument, but true communication requires empathy. It requires stepping into the other person’s shoes and finding out where they’re coming from. If my boyfriend has trouble expressing himself, I have to be patient and give him the space to do so.

Because, like I said earlier, I tend to take charge in conversations. I’m direct, and I don’t shy away from confrontation. But that can sometimes be intimidating for the other person. So, I’m learning to balance that.

Usually, when my boyfriend and I have disagreements, I get upset first. I react emotionally, and then the next day, I calm down, process everything, and hear him out. And then we figure it out. That’s the pattern I’ve noticed in our relationship, and I’m working on being more mindful of it.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned about communication—whether in friendships or relationships—is the importance of self-awareness. You have to check yourself before you start placing blame on others. You have to ask yourself, “Am I really listening? Am I communicating in a way that let’s the other person to feel safe and heard?”

If communication is something you struggle with, that’s okay. It’s normal. No one is perfect at it. One thing that has helped me a lot is journaling. Writing things down is a form of communication, too. When you put your thoughts on paper, you can see them more clearly. You can process your emotions and figure out what you need to say before you say it.

At the end of the day, communication is a tool. It’s what keeps the world moving. It strengthens relationships, clears up misunderstandings, and helps us connect with one another. If more people took the time to communicate openly and honestly, the world would be a much better place. So, don’t take it for granted—put it to good use.