How many languages can you speak? I can only speak one, and part of me will always be a little upset because I never learned my mom’s language. I mean, I would say it’s 50/50. I can’t blame myself fully for it, but I also have to take accountability for not putting in the effort to learn.

My mom speaks Tagalog, and she tried to teach my sister and me and didn’t forget to remind us that we didn’t want to learn, which is untrue. I wished she had been stricter about it growing up, but it was a challenge when we took our trips to the Philippines, especially in my older years. You feel isolated when you can’t understand what your family is trying to say to you.

However, it’s similar to when you go to another country, and you can’t speak, for example, Italian, but there is a sense of hurt pride when it’s your actual culture.
Especially when you are hit with comments about why you didn’t learn or did not care to learn to speak Tagalog, as if it was all my fault. My mom had tried; she did, but the people I was surrounded by mainly spoke English and occasionally Spanish. With all these different languages coming at me at once, English is common ground in all the chaos. My eagerness to learn my mom’s language grows as I get older. It’s now up to me to commit because I feel it brings me closer to that side of myself and my life.

I have felt a heavy disconnection from my Filipino side, especially now that I am entering my twenties. I want to explore and embrace that side of life. One thing I will give myself props more for is that I can only slightly pick up what my mom is telling me when she goes on her Tagalog rants, especially when I haven’t done my chores. That’s when the words become crystal clear.

All in all, if you could be fluent in any language, which one would it be? Mine would definitely be a mix of Spanish and Tagalog. I hope to pursue learning either language in the future, as it will bring me closer to my roots.