Walking into the basement of the Keto Caveman Cafe wouldn’t make most people nervous. It’s atmosphere is warm, cozy, and inviting. The food and drinks are tasty and reasonably priced. It’s not that the setting made me nervous, it’s what I was going to do in the setting that had me feeling uneasy.

I was about to perform stand up comedy.

I’d been on stage a few times before, but I am by no means a pro – I’d barely consider myself a rookie. I had performed stand up a grand total of two times before being booked for this amateur night. I was shaking, I felt ill, I was full of doubt. “Oh man.” I thought to myself “Why did I do this?”

Good question. Why did I do this?

Stand up comedy has always been something I loved watching and I’d been interested in trying it since I was eleven years old. I remember browsing YouTube, probably looking for Club Penguin or Runescape videos and I somehow stumbled upon a Dane Cook’s “Kool Aid Man” bit. I was hooked.

Friends have told me Dane Cook’s humour is immature, low brow, or unrefined. Do you think eleven year old me cared? I thought he was the funniest man alive. I was obsessed. I watched and memorized every Dane Cook video online. Growing up I didn’t really have many friends and I had a tough time fitting in, so I found myself retreating inwards. I spent a lot of time online; watching stand up or sketch comedy videos. Eventually I began to think of my own jokes and it hit me: “If this guy can do it why can’t I?”. I’d start to think about what it would be like on stage, how it would feel to walk up with nothing but a microphone and make a room full of people laugh. It was something I’d think about for over decade but never had the courage to try. So what changed? What made me decide to take the plunge?

A comedy hero to some, a stand up hack to others. Image from here

I decided this year I was going to try and be more open to new experiences and less afraid to try new things. I’d also been meaning to get back into acting but hadn’t performed in over year. I needed to do something to shake the rust off. Why not combine the two? I figured doing stand up could be a fun way to get out of comfort zone and gain some more experience performing. So I signed up for stand up classes and started writing.

The classes were twice a week over zoom for three weeks, than we hit the big stage. It seemed pretty daunting. I had made it a habit to write jokes and thoughts almost daily for the last few months… but how much of it was actually good? I guess I’d soon find out.

I won’t give you a detailed week by week and class by class recount, but I will give you a summary: stand up is writing a joke you think is good, finding out it’s not, and going back to writing. That’s it. Lather, rinse, repeat. It was a tough at first but eventually I started to get a semblance of an act together. By the time I hit the stage for the showcase night I felt confident in my material and ready to make my on stage debut. It went well, I got a lot of laughs, had a lot of fun, and a few people come up to me afterwards to tell me how well I did.

It felt like a high. A rush of energy. Finally! After years of thinking about it I finally did it! I knew I had to keep going, I couldn’t let the momentum die. So the week after I made plans with another one of my comic classmates to attend an open mic.

It didn’t go quite as well.

We arrive at the venue and sign up. The host tells us he’s pretty filled up but can give us three minutes instead of five. That’s fine. A few minutes later he comes up to me. “Hey just so you know: you’re going up first.” My mouth says “Sure sounds good!” but my brain is screaming “Oh no, sounds awful.”

“Please welcome your first comic. He seems like a nice guy. Nels Ellis!”

I walk up to the stage, not exactly oozing with confidence, and begin my set. It was shorter version of the set I did for the showcase but the material was exactly the same. The reaction from the crowd, however, was nowhere near the same. What got big laughs at the showcase got polite chuckles at the mic, and what got chuckles a week ago got dead silence.

After getting offstage I took a seat next to my friend (who went on and did fantastic) and felt a little defeated. I had signed up for an amateur night in two days. Would I even be ready?

So that brings us back to the Keto Caveman Cafe. All of this rushing in my head. Sitting in my chair, surrounded by other rookie comics (wearings masks of course!), waiting for my turn to go up. “What am I doing?” I’m thinking to myself. “I can’t do this. I just got lucky my first time!” Finally there’s no more time for thoughts, it’s my turn to go up; no backing down now.

I went up. Did my material. Got laughs at all but two jokes. Left the stage. Painless.

Am I the next Jerry Seinfeld? No. I’m just some guy who’s done stand up three times. I’m also following a dream of doing something I’ve wanted to do since I was ten. I don’t have a lot of experience to pull from but I do know that when you’re doing anything new you’ll get highs and lows, but you’re still doing more than just sitting on your couch thinking “what if”. If there’s something you’ve been meaning to try stop waiting for a reason and just go for it.

“It’s never too late. But do it now”

-Ricky Gervais