Over the past couple weeks I have come to a major life realization. I think my frontal lobe is finally developing. There comes a time in every 20-something’s life when you suddenly realize you might actually be an adult and I think I’ve finally hit that point. I’m starting to question my past decisions I’ve made and really starting to put some thought into my current decisions. I now care about planning my weeks out and prioritize drinking water? I guess my life just doesn’t feel as “messy” anymore and it’s my own doing too.
A couple months ago even, I would say yes to anything remotely entertaining, regardless of whatever I had going on at that time. Did I need to spend my last dollars on concert tickets? Nope. Did I do it anyway? Absolutely, it will be fun I always said and while yes it was fun, that money probably could have been put to something else (like my car insurance) But now? Now I actually think before making these choices. I pause. I consider it. I hesitate.. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still prone to an occasional, future me will deal with it,” mentality but there’s now a little voice in my head that sounds a lot like a responsible 30-year-old saying, “Hey, maybe don’t.” And lately, I’ve really been listening to that voice. A good example is getting coffee. A couple months ago, a stop at the coffee shop before school or work was an absolute non negotiable, now it’s like I’m considering the biggest question of my life before I go. It’s no longer a no brainer. Now it’s a hmm do I really need to spend $5 on one single drink or should I save it? The girl math really takes over.
I’ve also noticed that my tolerance for things is a whole lot lower than it used to be. You know that phase where the mess in your room is just a normal thing and it’s almost just like a visual representation of your mind. Yup that was me and my room. Piles of laundry? Standard. Half-drunk coffee cups on my desk? A part of my room decor honestly. But suddenly, I can’t deal with the chaos. Clutter stresses me out. A dirty kitchen is personally offensive. I’ve become the person who wipes down counters while waiting for food to cook, and I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I feel like I’m finally becoming an organized person, I want to plan my weeks ahead on Sunday now. I guess my mom was actually right all those times she told me that cleaning my room would make me feel better. I also can’t tolerate nonsense anymore. I do not have time for the small talk, I do not care about maintaining those little friendships that need constant attention and effort, I’m just a bit more complacent to just be. I don’t have the need to be constantly entertaining myself and others and god is that a relief.
Back in my glory days (18) I could function on four hours of sleep, a large iced coffee, and pure adrenaline. Now? If I get anything less than seven hours, my entire body literally shuts down. I am a mess. I am grouchy. I am irritated. And I will certainly be not making it through the day. No chance. I no longer stay up late scrolling through social media and binge watching my favourite show, now when 10:00 rolls around I finish up my sleepy time tea and literally just go to bed. It’s weird. And the same thing goes for eating. I’m a pretty on the go person and skipping breakfast or lunch was kinda just something that happened, I’d just simply forget, now, wow, I’m a hangry person. Breakfast is truly the most important meal of the day for me and if I don’t eat it, you may want to stay away from me, it’s scary.
Speaking of sleep, my ability to bounce back after a night out has disappeared. Somehow, someway, I used to be a machine, I’d go out with friends, enjoy several drinks, and somehow wake up the next morning ready to go. No complaints, no hangover, up at 8:00 am ready to start my day like nothing ever happened the night before. Now if you want me to go out, I seriously need at least a week’s notice. Now, if I have more than two drinks my entire day is ruined! I have a raging headache, and just need to lay down in the dark all day.
I used to live entirely in the present. Future me? Never heard of her. But now? Now I have thoughts. Thoughts like: Should I be saving more money? What do I actually want to do with my life? What’s my five-year plan? What if I never figure out my five-year plan? Why is everything so expensive??? This is probably the most stressful part of the frontal lobe developing, suddenly realizing that the future is real, and it is coming for me whether I like it or not. I used to think my 20s would be all about freedom and fun, but now I’m out here considering retirement plans and googling “how much do you actually need for a down payment.” It’s scary, and honestly part of me wishes sometimes that I could go back to the days where I didn’t care about anything, but I guess we all have to face the future at some point right? This is all so unsettling, I miss my blissful ignorance towards my life.
So, is my brain fully developed yet? Not quite. But the signs are there. I’m making better choices (most of the time). I’m thinking before acting (kind of). And I no longer see myself as an immortal, invincible, chaos-fueled machine. Yes, I do think that life was definitely easier before this major life realization of mine, but either way, at the end of the day, it was bound to happen at some point right?