I strongly dislike group projects. And of course, for starters I should mention how I know they do prepare us for work life, collaborating with your co-workers and all that, but having these group projects in school just drives me up the wall. At least in a job you are all there hopefully because you enjoy what you do and because it makes you money. But in school, you and your classmates probably all want to do different things post grad, just can’t get on the same page, and probably have different work ethics. But if there’s one universal thing that I think students can bond and be on the same page on, it’s hating group projects.
Every group project consists of the same seven archetypes of students, no matter what the class, the teacher, or the assignment. It’s like the universe itself has decided that these roles must exist in every academic group work setting. If you’ve ever been in a group project (which, unfortunately, you have), you’ve met these people:
The Overachiever (in other words the group leader)
Ok to be completely yes, I do like taking the role of the group leader on, but not in the controlling scary way, I just like to know that what I want done will get done, I don’t mind taking a little extra on to ensure a good grade, but let me stress, I’m not crazy. But let’s look at the scary overachiever, the one that is relentless, and at times, a bit too forward. They send the initial text, create the Google Doc, write out the plan, and—by the end—probably just do the whole thing themselves out of sheer survival instinct. They are fuelled by rage, caffeine, and the knowledge that their entire GPA is riding on people who haven’t responded to a single email. They will plan pointless group meetings when at the end of day, probably could’ve all just been sent with a quick text or email. You’re either happy you’re in their group cause that means a little bit of free riding or you’re dreading the unneeded stress that’s about to come with this.
The MIA
Then at the opposite end of the spectrum we have the person who is always missing in action. You probably have seen them a couple times at the beginning of the school year and then never again. They were technically assigned to your group, but are they real? Do they exist? No one knows. They’ve never responded to a message, never shown up to a meeting, and if they did, they just nodded in the Zoom call while playing video games in another tab. The night the project is due they either pull it together and hand in a masterpiece or that parts get a zero.
The Control Freak
The Overachievers’ evil twin. This person insists on approving everything, assigns way too many deadlines, and rewrites your entire section because they “just wanted to clean it up a little.” They send seven follow-up messages in the group chat at 2 AM. They have no faith in the team and they will make sure that you know your part of the project is bad. Every little detail or suggestion you bring up is immediately shot down because they think that you will never be at the academic level that they are.
The Disappearing Act
This is the Ghost’s more chaotic cousin. They show up in the beginning, make some confident claims about what they’ll contribute, and then vanish until the night before the project is due. Suddenly, they resurface with an excuse and a hastily written paragraph or something you can tell is 100% Chat Gpt’d. Their work is so bad that the Overachiever has to redo it anyway.
The Bare Minimum
This person has mastered the act of just sliding through the cracks. This person technically contributes, but just enough to avoid outright failure. If they’re assigned a slide in a presentation, expect a single bullet point and a blurry image copied straight from Wikipedia. Their favourite phrases are “What do you guys need me to do?” and “Can someone check my work?”. They will do what they need to do, but never expect much out of them.
The Hit Or Miss
Maybe you’ve had this person in a group project once and they completely blew your expectations out of the water. They hit the mark with everything, got it done ahead of time, and maybe even helped out some other members. Then you get them in your next project and they are a complete trainwreck, a real hit or miss. They are willing to put in the work sometimes if it’s something they are really interested in, but if it’s not up their alley, they tune it out.
The Ideal Member
And of course, there is the ideal member. They just get it. They want to get it done right, they strive for good grades, they don’t need all those pointless after school meetings, and they are able to get along with everyone. They know what they need to do, and they do it right. They come to the group with a positive attitude and bring some great ideas. A solid 10/10.
But the group members don’t just make or break the group flow, there are a lot of outside factors as well. For insistence, the group chat. The group chat is where all the suffering begins. The Overachiever starts it off with an enthusiastic, “Hey guys! When do you want to meet up to start working on the project?” Silence. Crickets. Absolute void. Then, 48 hours later, one person finally replies with, “Oh sorry, just saw this! I’m good with whatever.” Translation: I will be of no help. Three days later, someone else says, “Same!” And another, “I work a lot, so I’m not sure when I’m free.” Congratulations, your project has already failed. Of course the ideal member will chime in here and there suggesting that roles get assigned and you guys get on it, but the control freak will have none of that, they are relying on this meeting.
After the meeting that probably never happened gets sorted out, (probably just a quick zoom call where everyone is over it and zoned out) it’s time to get to the actual work. Once it’s clear that barely nothing is getting done right, the Overachiever caves and starts putting everything together. The Bare Minimum finally submits their part, and it’s riddled with typos and looks like it was written by a third grader who just discovered Microsoft Word. The Ideal Member gets their part done right and now the control freak is comparing their work to everyone else’s. It’s a mess. Everyone is frustrated. The Disappearing Act is really just nowhere to be found and it’s due at midnight.
Then of course, presentation day comes along. The control freak and the ideal member take over while the overachiever is in the corner having a panic attack. Then it’s over, you probably won’t talk to them again, you’re traumatized, and then bam, 2 weeks later, the teacher assigned another group project. What do you think about group projects? Are you over them just as much as me?