I’m turning 20 in almost a month (March 9), and I still feel like a baby playing dress-up in adult clothing. And I know to anyone older than me reading this they’re thinking, ya… you’re a baby. But let me have my coming of age moment and listen up!

I can drive, I’m in my second year of college, I can cook rice, but there are still so many things I haven’t quite figured out yet and time is ticking away.

Here are 20 things I didn’t learn before turning 20 (unless for whatever reason I manage to master 20 skills in the 42 days, then you can disregard this entire list)

1. Diving

This is an embarrassing one, right off the bat Neena. I’ve attempted to learn almost every summer, and I still can’t nail it, so you can’t say I haven’t tried! This is how it usually goes down, I decide to push my ego aside and ask someone to teach me how to dive, they kindly explain the simplest thing to do in the world, and then I attempt, belly flop, get laughed at, hide, never do it again. But hey! Maybe 2022 is my year.

2. Do my own taxes

I use my parents’ accountant and I have horrible anxiety that I’ll accidentally commit tax fraud.

3. How to say no

I’m horrible at standing up for myself. For an entire summer, I was driving a 35-year-old man to work in Langley because I didn’t have the heart to say no.

4. Typing

I use my middle finger, index finger, and thumb. My pinky and ring figure are let off real easy because I never could pass All The Right Type

@oofsierra

please tell me someone else remembers this #elementaryschool #school #2000s #alltherighttype #greenscreen #computer #computerlab #early2000s #xyzbca

♬ follow me j.osh.1 – josh

5. How to enjoy a Martini

I’m sorry but I swear y’all are lying when you say you enjoy martinis? What is to enjoy? The pure taste of gin? or vodka? You know what there’s nothing wrong with me, there’s something wrong with you people. I’ll eat my olive and leave. Bye!

6. Wear sunscreen

This was actually one of my new year’s resolutions. My beautiful glowing flawless skin won’t last forever and according to everyone on Instagram and Tik Tok sunscreen makes you a gorgeous old lady. Worth a shot, also I don’t want skin cancer.

Wear ur sunscreen kids pic.twitter.com/0w8i8s01ML

— ry (@RyryRoyalee) January 26, 2022

That’s kind of sad that I care more about wrinkles than skin cancer… oops.

7. Bitcoin

I kind of understand Bitcoin… something about decentralized blockchain? I put 6 dollars in Cardano (3 ADA) and now I have 4 bucks so I clearly have no clue what I’m doing. I’m just hoping I’ll open my account in 20 years to find hundreds of thousands of dollars. To the moon!

8. How to book and pay for a doctors appointment

Next year I think I’ll no longer be covered by my family’s healthcare insurance, thing is, I don’t even really know what that means? This is going to sound so stupid, but I was kind of under the impression healthcare was free in Canada? Do I have to buy an insurance plan? Should I just avoid the doctor to save money?

9. Understand addresses

I’m a very well-oriented person, I’ve been called a human GPS. However, for some reason, I still can’t really understand the number part of an address. When someone says, “3000 block Commerical…” like, what the eff does that mean? I’m sorry give me a cross road and I’m all good but don’t be throwing numbers at me, sounds like gibberish.

10. Enjoy eating oysters

Earlier this year I tried oysters for the first time. I had pretty high expectations, I always see people posting their oyster platters on Instagram, raving about “the taste of the sea,” I was excited to see what the hype was all about. I thought it was slimy, gross and honestly felt like I was swallowing my own flem. Later that night I actually had an anxiety attack thinking about that creature just chilling in my stomach.

11. What to wear to “dressy casual” or “business attire”

I had an event to go to a few months ago and in the invitation, it said “dressy casual” dress code, which I thought wouldn’t be too hard until I took a look in my closet and realized the only semi-formal event I’ve ever attended was winter formal in high school. I probably watched a dozen youtube videos on what to wear to a “dressy casual” event. Long story short I ended up looking not at all like myself, in a knee-length pencil skirt, cardigan, and kitten heels, very Pam from the Office-esque.

12. How to not cry at anything and everything

I’m a very sensitive person, the waterworks come very easy for me. I cry while watching any movie, most recently Mamma Mia (1 and 2) Whenever I have to talk about myself I get choked up and my eyes well up, if someone honks at me I feel my ego crumble and the tears start falling… The list goes on, most importantly, this is not 20-year-old adult behaviour.

13. Paint my right-hand fingernails

Do I need to explain myself?

https://www.tiktok.com/@sairarubic/video/6993793128914357510?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&lang=en&q=nail%20right%20hand&t=1643585810250

14. What to do if I get in a car accident

I’ve had my new driver’s license for a year now, I’m yet to be in an accident or fender bender and I have honestly no clue what to do if I do. The lord has been on my side because all I know is something about asking for their license and registration? Maybe? But like if someone was aggressive with me or trying to scam me I’d be so easy to tool with.

15. Knitting

This one may not seem like a right of passage into adulthood but I feel like at some point during the pandemic I should’ve learned to knit or crochet. I want to make my friend’s cute scarves and hats and live my old woman fantasy.

16. Cook meat

In my defence, I was a vegetarian for most of my teenage years, but I get really nervous cooking meat. Like I’ll do it, but only with a recipe and very specific directions on hand. I have no intuition when it comes to cooking meat, and if I want to be wifey material I’ve got to learn how to cook a good steak and a perfect bird.

17. How to act in front of a camera

I hate being on camera. I avoid it, and of the times I have been photographed there are very few pictures I like of myself. I feel so awkward, almost like a creature imitating a person, my skin and body don’t feel mine, I never know where to put my arms or what to do with my face. I don’t think I’m ugly but my perfectionism and body dysmorphia simply will not allow me to get in front of a camera.

Unless of course, I’m drunk, then I might as well be Kate Moss.

18. A hobby

This is kind of depressing, but I don’t really have a hobby. I don’t I’m good enough at anything to consider it a hobby, you know? Growing up I’d join teams and learn instruments, but once I realized I wasn’t the best at it, compared to my peers, I’d quit and try something new. This has left me with a general understanding of all sports, instruments and art mediums, but nothing stuck. I’m working on enjoying the process of things rather than just the result, so hopefully, that’ll help find me some hobbies.

19. How to read an entire book

I’ll start 20 different novels before I finish one. I’m honestly a horrible reader, I’m super inconsistent, my mind wanders and I very rarely get sucked into a story. I’ve always had a tough time sticking to a book, to the point my elementary school teachers diagnosed me with dyslexia, which I in fact do not have.

20. Percentages, proper grammar, basic education

I can’t remember anything I learned in high school/elementary school, in particular basic proper grammar. Commas, semi-colons, active voice, passive voice, I don’t even know.

And I especially have no understanding of percentages. 20% off sale?? I can’t do it. Not even on a calculator, I seriously am stupid. Sorry to all the math teachers who wasted their time on me.