Last month marked the finale of the seventh season of the hit reality tv show Bachelor in Paradise, and before you decide to ask any questions, yes I watched it, yes it was because of my girl, and yes I enjoyed it. Are we done with the questions now? Good. Let’s move on to the details.

 And of course for those living under a rock, there’s an obvious spoiler warning ahead.

First I want to address my favourite outlook of the show. Who was the worst participant? And I don’t mean that from a Brendan, Pieper perspective, that’s obviously just a disrespect to the show in search of clout. I’m talking about the people who genuinely went on this show, were themselves on the show and thought they would come away on top.

The initial candidate in my eyes, Demi. I mean my god did this woman really think she was going to step onto the beach and walk away with love? I don’t see how anyone would actually want to be with that. Let’s forget about Kenny and her for a second, they’re pretty much the Joey and Rachel (FRIENDS) of the whole show. It just never should have happened. But the way Demi showed up, immediately assumed the role of shit disturber, and put out right away… literally. It’s kind of repulsive. 

One not to forget of course though, and this one is more of a personal hatred, was “smoke bro” Chris. First off, anyone who calls themselves “smoke bro” needs to “smoke screw-off” because that’s ridiculous. Honestly though, the guy deserved exactly what came to him. If you want to come in half way through the show, break up another couple to steal the girl away, all while you have another girl who is awaiting her own debut on the show whom you ENTIRELY intend to be with already? You deserve to be left by both women and kicked off the show. Good for you bud.

(Youtube/ Bachelor Nation)

One thing as well that cannot go without mention, is who got screwed over the most. This one isn’t even a competition, it’s obviously Natasha. She got screwed not once, but twice in the same damn season. It apparently wasn’t bad enough that she got together with Brendan right off the bat who, as we know now, had a prior relationship with another woman waiting to debut on the show as well in Pieper. And this isn’t like Chris waiting for a woman who he had his eyes on. Brendan and Pieper were legitimately together, seeing each other only a few weeks prior to departing for the show.

Pieper finally made it to the beach, and Brendan immediately left Natasha to be with her. It’s clear there was a prior motive, so clear it got both of them kicked off the show, and saw Natasha being given a second chance to stay and await the next arrivals.

And if that wasn’t enough, the new round of options for Natasha that came in were awful as well. Dr. Joe, just so happened to be Brendan’s best friend, and Ed left her to save a crying Mackenna who had been there for literally six hours. Talk about a poor draw. 

(Youtube/ Bachelor Nation)

So we’ve established the worst participant, and who got screwed around the most, but what was the biggest surprise of the seventh season? There were a few options to go with on this one so it’s really the dealer’s choice but to name an honourable mention, Thomas. More importantly, the fact that he actually has feelings. Kenny and Mari ending up together at the end of show was also a surprise given the run in from Demi mid-season, but they still made it work. The biggest surprise in my eyes though turned out to be Riley and Maurissa. I don’t know what it was about Riley, maybe the fact that he came in the same time as Thomas, and Thomas was a trash person for the whole show, but he just kind of rubs you the wrong way for his first couple episodes. The part that surprised me the most about him was of course the way he backed up not only Natasha with the whole Brendan situation but the way he confronted Chris about the Jessenia drama as well. He finally came off as a genuine dude you could learn to like, and not some player that’s only there to get lucky. That would probably be when Maurissa realized he was the real deal. I mean either that or when she sucked whip cream off his toe.

So does sucking whip cream off of your partner’s toe make you the strongest couple on the beach? I certainly hope not. The only real answer to who the strongest couple on the show was, has to be Joe and Serena. Let’s all forget that Serena went on a date with Thomas, and only remember the part where she told him to kick rocks. Serena and Joe were easily the strongest couple, that being cemented when Kendall came onto the beach, and immediately went after Joe who shut her down without question in favour of Serena. Then doubling down again on the finale trying her last shot only to be shut down again, and then watching Joe propose to Serena mere minutes later. 

So Joe and Serena were the strongest, but who deserved it the most? It’s easy to stick with them as the answer to that as well but there are a few candidates outside of the strongest couple. Natasha of course comes to mind, she went there with nothing but the best intentions and was screwed around. Jessenia, who was also screwed around, but although I have not seen it myself, displayed some less than admirable behaviour on a previous season of the bachelor. So maybe you could chalk that down to karma? 

( Youtube/ Bachelor Nation)

I think it’s easy to say all couples that got engaged at the end deserved exactly what they found. Kenny and Mari are still happily engaged, as are Joe and Serena, and Maurissa and Riley. There’s no telling which individual deserved it most, but one thing can be certain.

It wasn’t Demi.