So to be completely real, last night it was 10:00 pm on a Friday night and I sat in bed doing homework while sipping on a diet coke. Now if you know me, this is all normal behaviour except for the fact that it was a Friday night. I am never ever the person to be sitting in my bed on a Friday night, or even any weekend night for that matter, even if I’m not going out or leaving the house I will at least at the minimum have some friends over. But nope. Not last night, and probably not tonight either. I’m exhausted and it’s finals season. But I have to say, when I got into bed all ready to unwind, I felt that weird feeling of missing out creeping up on me. A feeling that I haven’t really truly felt in a long long long time, FOMO. 

So where is this feeling coming from? Well I’m in my 20s and it’s the weekend I’m supposed to be out on the town living my life right? Well that’s what I see in the movies, on social media, and even what my parents tell me they did back in their day, but for some reason lately that just isn’t me. I mean this is probably just cause I haven’t been sleeping well and have slammed with homework lately and this is the one free night I have to take off but for some reason I still feel like I should be out doing things. But it is safe to say that this FOMO feeling is definitely going to stick with me through the night, but now my mind is racing on a whole bunch of things that I think I’m missing out on, but that’s just what comes with being an over thinker right? 

I met up with a couple of my friends earlier this week for a walk and coffee, and safe to say something like that usually relaxes me and takes the stress away kinda just made me more stressed. These girls were talking about all these crazy summer internships and trips they had lined up, plans set for the future, and what they had meal prepped, while I on the other hand, I’m probably the furthest opposite from that that you can even get. Remember being a kid and thinking that by 25 you’d have a career, a house, and maybe even a cute dog? Fast forward to your actual 20s, and the reality check hits hard. I am nowhere at all where I’d thought I’d be right now. Well yes, I am 21 and still have a lot of life ahead of me but it’s hard to not freak out when I feel like I’m just behind and missing out. I’ve been scrolling through LinkedIn and seeing random kids from high school who barely passed math now owning a startup or curing cancer (seriously). People my age are apparently out there “networking,” getting promotions, and landing six-figure salaries, while I’m just sitting in my bed. 

I know comparison is the thief of joy or whatever – but wow, it really does steal. Don’t get me wrong, I know I still have time. I know I’m not supposed to have it all figured out. But when it feels like everyone else around me has it all figured out, it’s not the greatest feeling in the world.  People are always talking about their “next move” or how they’re “booked and busy” or “entering their “corporate era” but I’m wondering where the days are when just being 21 meant having fun and working any job not a crazy corporate one. The truth is, being 21 is weird. It’s this awkward, uncomfortable in-between stage where you’re technically an adult, but also not really. You can legally drink, vote, and sign a lease—but emotionally, sometimes you still feel like a confused teenager – or at least mine still does sometimes. 

Sometimes I’ll have a day where I feel really put together. I wake up early, make my bed, eat a real breakfast, maybe even go for a walk. And for a second, I’m like, I’ve got this. And then the next day I wake up at noon, drink a coffee, and spiral about my life in the future for the rest of the day. Being in your 20s is messy, and nobody really talks about the ups and downs of it all. One minute you’re applying for a job and pretending you’re qualified, the next minute you’re crying because someone used a passive-aggressive tone in an email. You’re trying to grow, evolve, heal, plan, and thrive—while also just trying to survive. It’s a lot.

There’s no roadmap. And I think that’s the hard part. Once you graduate it’s the first time in your life that you have no structure and nobody telling you your next move, you get to choose it yourself (exciting but terrifying). There’s no “right” way to be 21. Some people are in grad school, others are working full-time, some are taking time off, some are traveling the world, some are living at home and some have already moved across the country three times. And all of it is okay. But when you’re in it, it’s hard not to feel like you’re doing something wrong just because your path looks different. 

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll look back on this time and laugh. Like, “remember when I thought I was failing but was actually just figuring it out?” I hope. Maybe the chaos is part of the process. I hope. Maybe the late-night breakdowns, the weird in-between jobs, the lonely Friday nights, the spontaneous joy, the confusion is all meant to be. I sure hope so. 

So if you’re anything like me and just feeling so uncertain of your next move, I know it feels insane  but once you put it in perspective, it’s all going to be okay, this is just a small bump in a long road. And no. 20s are not old. So don’t stress about time running out because really life is just starting.