If over thinking was an Olympic sport I’d be representing Canada and bringing home the gold. My acceptance speech would go something like this: “I’d like to thank my family, my friends, my life, my job, and of course, my brain, for making me a world class athlete in the sport of overthinking. I was definitely born with a little bit of talent but hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard, and my overthinking is definitely working hard.” If overanalyzing minor conversations, spiraling over text messages, and replaying awkward moments from five years ago were Olympic events, I’d have more gold medals than Michael Phelps. Honestly, it’s a bit bizarre how much I overthink and quite frankly, just plain unhealthy, but I’m not the only one like this right? A lot of everyday situations in my life become mental gymnastics for me, where every situation is a high stakes event but it’s just a one man sport, my brain and I.
It always starts with something so simple, I just work it up to being something huge when it is totally unnecessary! Even just a casual conversation, a text, or a glance at a stranger. To someone that isn’t an Olympic athlete in overthinking these moments just come and go but to be it’s a case that needs solving “why did they respond that way?” “Was that a dirty look?” “Did I say something?”.
Here’s a small example of a case where I’d freak out (and this is real it happened last week with an old friend)
Me: Hey! It’s been awhile! Let’s grab coffee sometime soon 🙂
No response …..
30 minutes later: hmm maybe they’re busy, that text sounded normal right.
1 hour later: why did I add the emoji?! They probably think I’m lame.
2 hours later: did I make them mad? Do they hate me?
3 hours later they respond: “hey sorry I was at work, how does next week sound”
All that anxiety and overthinking for absolutely nothing, I do it to myself every time.
Some people move on from awkward moments. I collect them. They live rent-free in my mind, and I revisit them regularly, like an old scrapbook of past moments I regret, but they aren’t even things to be regretful about, just classic old me, thinking hm maybe I shouldn’t have shook their hand that hard. It’s down to every little detail and it’s just insane. And hey, I’m recognizing that it’s insane, and putting it down on paper probably makes you think that I’m insane, but it’s the truth (I’ll probably lay in bed tonight awake why I even posted this paper to the internet). The moment in 2012 when I mispronounced a word in front of my entire class? Oh, it’s on repeat. The time I accidentally said “You too” to a server who told me to enjoy my meal? Haunts me every time I go out to eat so now you will catch me rehearsing my lines when it comes to time to order a meal. People say, Just let it go. And I’d love to, trust me, I’d want nothing more. But my brain says, “let’s analyze it from every angle instead!”
Overthinking doesn’t stop at social interactions. No, no. It takes over every aspect of life, especially decision-making. If you know me then you know I’m the most difficult decision maker. I’m beyond indecisive, it’s not even funny. I actually can’t even make a simple decision without consulting my mom and at least 2 of my friends before. I just can’t seem to make up my mind for the life of me. Picture this: I’m at a coffee shop. I order a latte. Simple, right? But then the internal debate begins: Should I have gotten a tea instead? Did I make the wrong choice? “It’s 4 o’clock the caffeine will keep me up all night” I can’t escape it. And don’t get me started on online shopping, it’s one of my favourite past times, but trust me, I never actually make it to the “shop” part because my brain just can’t make up its mind with anything! Step 1: Add item to cart. Step 2: Spend an hour reading reviews, Step 3: Remove item from cart because do I really need this? Step 4: Think about it for three days. Step 5: Add it back to cart. Step 6: Panic-buy it at 2 AM. Step 7: Immediately regret it and return as soon as it arrives.
The worst thing about being an overthink-er is spiraling into things that I said, constantly worrying if I said the wrong thing. I’m an opinionated person and I do love to talk but I get worried that I get carried away sometimes and just come off as too much. I say things then instantly regret it. And it’s nothing ever bad, it just leaves me thinking about what other people think about what I said. If I get a message or vibe back from someone that is even just slightly unclear I will without a doubt go into full panic mode.
Here’s the thing, overthinking is exhausting. It’s like my brain never learned how to use the “off” switch. But, ironically, I also overthink about overthinking. “Am I making this a bigger deal than it is? Should I just stop overthinking? But wait, how does one stop overthinking? What if trying to stop overthinking makes me overthink more?” Maybe overthinking is just what makes me calmer in the long run? I honestly really don’t know and don’t have an answer. It’s also not like I’m actively trying to improve this area of my life. I’m no help to myself at all. But maybe that needs to change? See here goes overthinking again! At this point, I just accept that my brain likes to run mental marathons with no finish line.
At the end of the day, if you’re an overthink-er too, then you know it’s not all bad. I mean sure there are many times when I just wish I could be a bit more in the present but think about all those times where your overthinking saved you. Maybe it’s good you think long and hard about the decisions in your life, maybe that thinking has saved you from making the wrong choice and you don’t even know it! So if you’re an overthink-er life me and feel somedays like you can’t even keep up with how fast you’re brain is thinking maybe just try look at it in a positive light and just think this is for the best, after all, you can’t change who you are so why not just own it!