I’ve been a 90 Day Fiancé fan for many years now. Perhaps it is because I’ve always been nosey and interested in the dramatic life of others, but the TLC reality series never fails to shock me at how far people are willing to go for a little bit of fame. Now that I have a fiancé to enjoy the series with me it has oddly become much more entertaining as we discuss the reactions and situations these “couples” go through. And while you and I know that 90% of reality shows are scripted or staged, it doesn’t stop the believability that part of the content that we’re watching has some truth to it.

Now if you aren’t into trashy reality shows like I am and have no idea what 90 Day Fiancé is let me introduce you to this rabbit hole of toxic relationships that either make you reevaluate your own relationship, appreciate your partner, or be grateful that you’re happily single. This series started off “documenting” various American citizens and their foreigner fiancé as they navigate through cultural differences, language barriers, and most importantly the American immigration law.
The K-1 visa is an American visa that permits a foreign fiancé to enter and begin their immigration journey, of course there are conditions that follow. As it is a temporary visa the couple is required to be legally married on American soil within 90 days of the foreign fiancé’s arrival. Than the American spouse expected to follow up with the American government to file for their foreign spouse’s adjustment in status and long-term residency. In addition, once all the paperwork has been processed and statuses have been updated the American spouse, or whoever is the sponsor, is held financially responsible for their foreign partner, even in cases of separation. Needless to say this is a huge responsibility and life changing decision! The only similarity Canada has is our spousal sponsorship program, which include common-law or conjugal partners.

Airing the first episode on January 12th 2014, the series proved to be a huge hit, currently ending their 10th season and have several spin offs. 90 Day Fiancé – The Other Way Around, where the American fiancés try to immigrate to their foreign partner’s country, is one of the most popular series to come from the spinoffs.
Needless to say people around the world have watched these couples as they experience hardships, miscommunication, and rose coloured glasses shattering as they realize that the “funny quirks” their partners may have had can no longer be ignored. It’s safe to say that another person’s misery is premium entertainment for many.

Now how exactly does this series bond my fiancé and I despite the over done dramatics and terrible treatment some of the talents have to endure. Simply it gives us an opportunity to talk about each situation, break down the core issues, cultural differences, and what would we do in these hypothetical situations. Perhaps I’m very lucky that despite being in a long distance relationship with my partner, who also happens to be American himself, we are of a similar ethnic background and grew up in western culture. We are yet to have any major disagreements ourselves, so the issues shown on 90 Days Fiancé is as foreign as the spouses casted to be on the show. Some topics we have discussed:

The abusive/predatory nature of some of the cast
It’s no shock that this show would have some rather questionable pairings. I think a lot of us can relate to the struggle trying to meet someone locally, but at times it gets far too suspicious when some of the cast have huge age gaps with people who happens to be from a developing country. While in some of the relationships age truly is just a number, often times the older partner is very demanding of their much younger significant other. To a certain extent it is understandable to be frustrated by cultural differences, but to imply someone is lesser than you based on where they are from is deeply troubling. Granted with editing and staged narratives there may be more that meets the eye, but it leaves you questioning if that is the content that is allowed to be aired, what is happening when the cameras are off? My own fiancé and I question why don’t the production staff step in much earlier in cases of blatant physical or mental abuse, but our best guess is that it just makes viewers want to tune in more to see if the victims get justice.

Cultural ignorance
For many of the participants on the show, they or their partner have never traveled, let alone lived, outside of their home country. This of course leads to a many misunderstandings and odd decisions. At times it can be seen as playful, but you would think that you would do some research about your significant other’s country and culture before meeting in person, especially on the side of the American. There seems to be an underlying expectation for their partners to speak fluent English, but put no effort into learning their partner’s language. I understand to a certain extent if their foreign partner is moving to America, but it doesn’t seem mutual if the American is moving to their partner’s home country. On the same spectrum it does make me more appreciative of the cast members that do make an effort to learn and speak with their partners in their native language as it feels more sincere.
I also particularly hate it when the American question if their partners are only using them for a green card. From my experience, many people love and are proud of their home country and would prefer to stay if they could. But if their and their family’s lives would improve significantly by moving to America they are willing to make the sacrifice to relocate. Don’t get me wrong, there certainly are some foreign cast members that are guilty of only wanting a green card. However my fiancé and I feel that if you are already at that point with your partner perhaps it is better to separate.

Religious ignorance
The risk of long distance dating or hooking up with someone while traveling, is the chance that you will have religious differences, not just cultural. There are some cast members that are willing to convert for their partners, but it isn’t always easy when you are extremely devout to your own religious practices. And it becomes more stressful when a child is potentially involved, which religion do teach or practice with your child if both parents have conflicting religions? I understand the conflicts and frustrations of falling in love with someone outside of your beliefs. However I do not feel it is ever right to force your significant other to believe or that they should follow your practices if you agreed they don’t need to convert.

In the end I think most of these couples need to realize that clear communication really needs to be hammered down, especially in long distance relationships. But on the other hand, if all we see is happy relationships with no conflict… That may not make very entertaining television. After all it’s really hard to look away from a train wreck when it’s right in front of you.

Let us know if you’re also a fan of toxic television, or give us reality shows for us to binge watch next!