Just because you’re “too old” for trick or treating doesn’t mean you should miss out on candy!

This Halloween, you’re old enough to go to Superstore and buy a big bag of 350 candy bars all for yourself. You get to skip walking around a neighbourhood and getting oranges!

Do you remember being a kid, having to sort and sift through all your candy, trying to barter and trade away your Tootsie Rolls?

Well, now that you’re a “grown-up,” you can buy the candies you actually like… saving you sweat and tears. But maybe it’s been a while since you’ve dove into a bag of 350.

Today, I’ll be ranking Halloween candies from worst to best to save you even more time and effort.

Cheers to no more oranges or walking!

Worst:

Tootsie Pops

What is the deal with Tootsie pops?? Are they supposed to taste stale? As you can tell by all my question marks, these candies truly confuse me. Lollipops are a classic fool-proof candy, but somehow Tootsie found a way to destroy the fun on a stick.
To be fair, the outside hard candy is fine. But the Tootsie roll in the center gets all hard and loses its signature chewy texture. In my experience, your best route of action is just to stop once you get to the center.

i appreciate that tv has used the exact same tootsie pop commercial for fifty years. pic.twitter.com/ZoQFl0Q1sc

— 🐌 (@razzlerocks) September 30, 2021

“How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To A Tootsie Pop’s Center?”

My answer: It’s gross, don’t even bother!

2/10 – 2 is only for the lollipop exterior

Candy Corn

Keeping on the theme of stale. The controversial candy can trigger some heated discussions, but personally, I think it’s trash. I mean, it’s just sugar. I’m not going to say it’s gross, but it doesn’t taste good. I won’t go back for more. I do respect the candy’s ability to survive generations of slander. The thing I don’t like about it is fondant. Fondant is essentially a thicker and solidified form of icing. It is made from sugar, water, gelatin, vegetable fat or shortening, and glycerol. So it’s a very sweet, almost cloying taste.

4/10 – Not enjoyable, but I respect the novelty!

Bootleg Gummies

I tricked myself into enjoying these my entire childhood. You know what I’m talking about, the severed finger, eyeball or hamburger-shaped gummies. Don’t get me wrong. They look sick! Who doesn’t want to eat a candy shaped like a pizza, but when it comes to texture and taste… these candies are gross. They don’t have the soft and gummy texture of Haribo. They have this hard, barely chewy texture with a bland plastic-like taste. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if these get recalled for traces of plastic in the ingredients.

4/10 – Forgot to mention, also feel stale?

Best:

Coffee Crisp

This chocolate bar is interesting because who would’ve thought a coffee-flavoured treat would be a hit amongst children? Coffee Crisps have always been one of my favourites. They have a similar texture and concept to Kit Kats but with a twist. What makes these bars uniquely airy and light is the foamed coffee-flavoured soft candy between the vanilla wafers. I don’t know if it even tastes like coffee! But whatever it tastes like, I like it. It’s also cool that these candies are native to Canada.

9/10 – Go Canada!

Butterfinger

Butterfingers are so underappreciated. I rarely hear anyone hype up these crunchy bars. The interior is a peanut butter and candy mix to create a crispy, crunchy, buttery texture, then smothered in milk chocolate. What’s not to love? It’s like Reese’s quirky cousin. Another thing that makes these bars top my list is how rare they are to come across. They are not as popular as their competitors, but when you get your hands on a Butterfinger bar… oh lord, you’re in for a treat!

Did it hurt? when you realized your candy would never be as irresistible as ours.

— Butterfinger (@Butterfinger) September 2, 2021

8/10 – I think they changed their recipe recently, and I’m yet to see if they’re still as good as I remember them.

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.

I used to feel so bad for the peanut-allergy kids… they’re missing out on probably the best candy of all time. This chocolate hits the perfect level of sweetness for kids and adults to enjoy equally. Reeses are like Oreos to me. No matter who tries to replicate, they’re just this unbeatable product. Chocolate and Peanut Butter go together like fries and ketchup or pancakes and syrup. Also similar to Oreos because everyone has got a different way to enjoy the delicious treat. Exterior first? Melt in your mouth? Or chow down all at once? It’s all good and keeps you reaching for more.

10/10 – What’d you expect?

My more controversial Opinions (that you don’t have to take into account this Halloween)

Mars bar

I know you’re probably going to hate me for this one, but I just don’t like the Mars bar. It’s boring and not in a classic Aero or Hershey’s way. In a why did I eat this way? The nougat center does nothing for me. I’ll credit where credit is due. It does retain its chewiness and doesn’t feel stale. But it tastes bad? Maybe it’s just me, and I can accept that. I’m writing this in hopes there are others out there, so I don’t feel so alone in my distaste for the Mars bar.

5/10 – not that bad, just dull and overrated.

Smarties (The Canadian Smarties, not to be confused with the American name for rockets)

My question is, why would you eat Smarties when you could eat M&M’s?

6/10 – I mean, it’s chocolate