Disney+ is finally here! The new streaming service made it’s glorious launch early this morning. Despite some technical hiccups I managed to log onto it. After hours and hours of intense analysis I am ready to provide for you dear reader my 100% objective review of every category that Disney+ has.
Not necessarily a category but it is the first row of movies you see when you launch Disney+. Immediately the first thing you see is the TV show, The Mandalorian, which makes sense since it’s Disney+’s most significant exclusive. The show cost over $100 million and is the very first live action Star Wars show. It was the first thing I watched and it is very good. One important thing to note though is unlike Netflix, Disney+’s new shows will be aired week to week as opposed to launching with the full season on day one. While I enjoyed The Mandalorian its first episode is actually under 40 minutes, which is a bit of bummer given the excitement for it’s premier. After The Mandalorian is Avengers Endgame, which isn’t a Disney+ exclusive but it is the biggest movie ever made so that’s a pretty good thing to follow up with. The rest of the row consists of some less anticipated original but still quality. Grade 9.5/10 although mostly due to Mandalorian and Endgame
I’ve talked about The Mandalorian already but High School Musical the Musical is surprisingly good too. It reminds me of my own time in the strange world of high school musicality. Also the songs slap like a motha,
The direct to streaming show remake of Lady and the Tramp is…. uh….. bad. Somehow they decided to remake one of the worst Disney cartoons and extend it by 20+ minutes. Lets face it the only scene anyone remembers from this movie is the pasta moment and they messed it up. The voice actors are fantastic in their own sprat shows and films but they don’t fit in as dogs.
On the bright side The World According to Jeff Goldblum was a great deal of fun until the recent allegations against the actor came out. And by recent I mean wishing I wrote this the day before. Like seriously there was no reason for him to go out of his way to defend Woody Allen. That makes The World According to Jeff Goldblum go from a solid seven to a mediocre and problematic five.
The show “Encore” produced by Kristen Bell is a nostalgic trip through the world of high school broadway style musicals. It’s quite similar to High School Musical the Musical although less scripted (let’s face it that show is fiction). Bell is a fanatic host however and does the musical interludes justice.
The rest of the original Disney+ programs are documentaries evolving various Disney IPs. I enjoyed the Marvel one the most for obvious reasons, especially since it teases future Marvel TV shows but it’s mostly a victory lap following the success of Endgame.
In the category of Hit Movies you have Avatar, the second highest grossing movie of al time. As well as Toy Story 3, which was the highest grossing animated film of all time until Lion King Remake took over (although is that animated or live action? Kind of a grey area). Endgame and the Star Wars also are part of that category as well as Pirates of the Caribbean, Guardians of the Galaxy and somehow Thor The Dark World which is notorious for being the worst Marvel movie (Endgame even comments on its terribleness). Then again Attack of the Clones is also there and that is famously worse than Phantom Menace so maybe this category is just a big troll. 7/10, mostly great but with some weird outliers.
The Simpsons is first on the row which makes sense for a number of reasons. First off it’s the greatest sitcom ever made. And also Disney+ messed up the aspect ratio for the show so a number of jokes got ruined due to the messy framing. Aside from that the category is mostly Disney+ originals with Iron Man and Captain Marvel mixed in. 8/10 Thank Iron Man for that,
Out of the Vault
This is where all the cartoons go. Legit this the highest quality average. All these vault films are 9-10 in quality. It’s merely a shame that their live action rakes will bury them. That being said the category itself is a 10/10. These movies are undeniable classics.
Inspired by True Stories
This is the docudrama section. It has Remember the Titans which I watched all the time as a kid so 10/10. Sorry not sorry that movie is perfect,
Disney Channel Favourites
This is where the classic Disney channel shows go. Lizzie McGuire, Phineas and Pherb, Wizards of Waverly Place. All of them are here. Let’s face it these shows where never “good” but they are a guilty delight. Lizzy McGuire is also getting a sequel for Disney+. That makes this category an 8/10 for continuity.
This is where High School Musical the Musical takes centre stage as well as The Sound of Music, the happiest World War Two film ever. Mary Poppins and Moana also lead the pack as well as Newsies, a film Christian Bale does not want you to know exists. I just watched it and it is as amazing as I hoped. Everything else is just gravy. 15/10 (All because of Newsies).
This is just the Disney Channel category mixed in with some Fox Kids cartoons, most significantly X-Men the Animated Series, which is both amazing and also horribly dated (it set the Cajun people back by a good 50 years at least due to Gambit alone). 5/10 due to the poor stereotypes of XMtAS.
Beasts and Monster
This is where the cartoon beast monsters movies come into play. Beauty and the Beast remake is of course the first movie to get top billing, then the Monsters Inc Flicks followed by the original Beauty and the Beast 6/10 limited category.
The Muppet Movie takes top billing here. It’s a fantastic film filled with some of the greatest puppetry that the world has ever seen. The incredibly influential Tron takes second bill and. That film is also a wonderful adventure. The selection here is actually one off the better ones with a lot of deep cuts like The Rocketeer. 10/10 the best category here.
This is where you learn how two plus two equals four. 12/10 I wish I had this as a child growing up.
Feel Good Sports Movies
Remember The Titans is not first billed therefore this category is invalid. 2/10 but 9/10 if you reorder it.
Mickey Mouse Through the Years
This is where the classic Mickey shorts exist. They still hold up and while not as subversive as Bugs Bunny they are still filled with a style of animation that is far superior in terms of framing and budget compared to modern 2D animation. 9/10.
Jeff Goldblum’s show takes top billing and if you’ve read this article thoroughly you know why that’s problematic. 6/10, still love the Goldblum but uh…..this might be a very dated article in a couple of days…
Pixar lives here. What is Money starring Forky and Ham is the big one following a number of classic Pixar shorts. 9.5/10, Pixar rules
The Lady and the Tramp remake is awful but Turner and Hooch gets second billing which is pretty impressive. That movie owns. 8/10 Dogs rule.
Zootopia is a surprisingly woke movie and is getting a sequel very soon. The Great Mouse Detective is about a great mouse detective. And Who Framed Roger Rabbit is the greatest movie of all time. 13/10 all thanks to Roger Rabbit.
Action and Adventure.
The Mandarlorian once against takes star billing and deserves it based on it’s newness and extravagance. It’s quite similar to the Row One billing with the first Incredibles added because that film still rules. 9.9/10.
Animals and Nature
I don’t need to watch any of theses movies to know they’re great. The animals here are adorable. 10/10 must adopt Panda.
As you can see Disney+ has a pretty high average of quality. And the service will continue to get new great shows. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did.